Holiday of the Melon

What a week politically! First the death of Anton Balasingham, which will have far-reaching changes in the political leadership and strategy of the LTTE and now Niyazov, the head of state of Turkmenistan, a brutal dictator by all accounts but a most unexpected death and a very uncertain future ahead for that country

in?

Crossing various seas soon, the atlantic in a few hours and then the pacific. In today's world, if we are to be explorers, we must traverse the frontiers of thought geography, those boundaries where convention stands on one side, and the unproved on the other. And in crossing those frontiers, we become necessarily changed. I know all this and I can't help but go forward, trusting. Are you in or not?

exams

12 more hours exactly until my last exam and straight to the bar thence. Begone ye ghosts! I was in the library for 12 hours today. It's been 4 and a half years since an event like that has happened. Like Haley's comet, it'll probably be as long until next!

barack

Did you know that Barack Obama's middle name is Hussein? Jesus Christ. I wonder why we haven't heard that wonderful morsel of news in the mainstream liberal media (god love 'em) yet? You gotta laud the guy just for making it through politics and thinking of running, with a name like that.

Talking to a law professor, whose student Obama was and who genuinely thinks that he's brilliant off-the-charts. There's a lot of desire in the Harvard establishment to see a mixed-race kid from the wrong side of the tracks, with an A-rab middle name, anointed.

Live life as an epic adventure

The last lesson of a Professor whom I have adored and for good reason too. I can’t explain all the emotions that arose, but he delivered a stunning lecture today and was rewarded with a standing ovation at the end of it. The class is a development economics class, but it ended with the best leadership class I have ever been in all semester- he said cut the crap about what you think you want to do. If you’re white and want to work in a developing country, don’t look at them as locals and you as American, don’t act out of guilt in having had a good life and wanting to give something back. If you're local, they're going to look at you different, 'cause you speak English and are foreign and wealthy and they think you want a job in the World Bank or Wall Street after that. Forget it. Cut that crap. Do what you have to do well. Be a Hero, Not a Victim. Experience is what you do with what happens to you, not what happens to you. Don't say you couldn't pass that policy because of x, y, z. Make a mark. Leave a Legacy and Live life as an epic adventure. And take yourself seriously because no one else is going to if you don’t. And even if you fail, at least you’ll have had fun. Coming at the moment it did, as I had been reevaluating what to do going forward regarding a certain project in Sri Lanka, it was a call to arms and many responded as such. Dammit, I hate to say it, but I think I’m starting to fall in love with this place.

Go Big or Go Home

Years later, when I have finally become all that I want to be, and a successful film maker and author, I will look back and give interviews. Here are some choice quotes and things that I plan to let the world know about my life:

Dedication upon accepting the Nobel Prize for literature : As George Orwell said "The aim of great art is to be imaginative in its craftsmanship and politically committed at its heart". I dedicate this prize to the thousands of aid workers, toiling away in remote lands, away from those that are dear to them, materially unrewarded, at risk of life and limb, in the service of humanity. To you, to the lamplighters of Florence Nightingale, I am humbled and proud.

"I chose to start expressing with film, because I didn't have the discipline to start with writing. Writing is far more unforgiving of mistakes and unsuccessful experimentation, perhaps because of the long tradition behind it, and because all you have is a series of words. One more, or one less, and the whole thing falls apart. Film on the other hand, there are so many rescue mechanisms within it (sound, lighting, characterization, acting, tone), that its easy to start with because hardly anyone ever gets it all right. Writing on the other hand, is the higher art, and having been somewhat trained in the tradition of literature, as Byatt says, I approach the task of entering the canon with far more fear. "


(I say: GO BIG OR GO HOME)

whimper

This week is the last week of classes. To two particularly brilliant, engaged, charismatic professors, I salute you. And now, the ramp up for finals and then a flight out of these frozen climes to the tropics almost immediately afterwards. More discussion involving the limits of violence as well as the growth constraint facing China ("The answer is" the urban-rural gap). Two more massive papers to write through the break, applications, and a large project that will probably take over my life should I think about it. But until then a quote from T.S. Eliot will suffice :"This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper".

Another interesting fact I learned today: that it was the First Council of Nicaea, convened by Constantinople in AD 325 that led to the formation of a universal standard Christian doctrine.

dinner out

Talking about civil disobedience was quite emotional. Was the first time in weeks that I had done any reading for Ethics and only because it was Martin Luther King assigned. He said that we must confront the community, and if it does not want to negotiate then we must take to a program of direct action, by which he meant a nonviolent protest of civil disobedience (of breaking the law) and yet subsequently submitting to the law willingly and its penalties. And that that in reality would be expressing the highest respect for the law. But what does a group do if the community that it wants to confront simply does not want to negotiate and if a nonviolent Gandhian movement does not succeed? I want to believe what Gandhi said, which I do believe sometimes, that in the end, the way of love and truth will triumph every disaster but what if I , or others can't wait that long? And a state has violence, a monopoly on violence which it can legitimately (in the sense, electorally justified) use, and what of groups that do not? and what of those that say that war is an extension of politics by other means as Bismarck did? and yet I would not want to go so far as saying violence should be used by those who cannot achieve their ends by other means.

also had dinner yesterday with an ancient civil rights professor of law who's taking a lot of heat in the national press for his support of the use of torture in qualified situations and who really loved the sound of his own voice as well as dinner with Arthur Golden, author of Memoirs of a Geisha who sadly had nothing interesting to say.

reconciliation

I had a class yesterday on the justification and limits of civil disobedience and after that I was talking to someone last night about truth and reconciliation and it made me pause and reflect about the nature of conflict. X said that in south africa for example, he had lived through apartheid and seen the violence and abuse perpetrated by a system against its own people. If you had asked him 12 or 15 years ago whether he was proud to be a South African, he would have said no, but today he is. Yet, he won't sing the whole anthem (which has three different verses from Afrikaans, Xhosa and another dialect I believe) and believes that the truth and reconciliation commission has a lot to answer for, for it let a lot of white perpetrators off with amnesty yet did not include any modicum of financial reparations. He said he was denied his identity for so long that he would never surrender it again. War may be political but first and foremost it is always a human experience; it tears the heart out of memory and experience, leaving one with scars that run deep, perhaps never to be healed. He said that all the young, we, can expect from the old generation is tolerance and that they would come together but never forget the scars of the past. And it made me sad to think that there were some things that we would always be imprisoned by and that the past could never be wholly cleansed.

sexual dynamics

so. Just to continue procrastinating on the everest of work I have to do, the million social engagements I have to rsvp on, the massive sleep debt to be worked on, and the dehydration of copious amounts of alcohol, I have decided to write about the sexual dynamics at school here.

We have what is called a midcareer program. Luminaries include about 8 world presidents. This is the program for people who have a minimum of seven years experience. Then we have the basic masters in public policy and the masters in public administration (for people who already possess a masters). Then we have the masters in public administration in international development (commonly known as How To Be A World Bank Economist).

The midcareers are for the most part married. If not, there's something else up with them. The incoming MPPs are the source of talent for most of the school, as the median age is around 26. Midcareers typically prey on MPP1s.

The school's acronym is also known as Kiss Sex Goodbye.

Lastly, its that time of the semester where everyone is starting to come apart at the seams and look for some stress relief and finding it in the most unexpected places. It's all rather funny actually.

abizaid

So just spent 3 hours procrastinating by watching more episodes of the West Wing, trawling Friendster, trying to Skype people who're never there, MOPE-ing, and just generally feeling sorry for myself.

John Abizaid, Commander of US CENTCOM, and in charge of the Iraqi operation, and an ex-personal hero of mine (he has fallen from grace since then) and also Arab American, spoke at school on Friday, days after his controversial Congressional testimony- where he was unclear on whether or not the U.S. should increase or decrease troop levels in Iraq. The level of conflict in Iraq right now is the highest it has been. Rumours in the policy community is that the U.S. will start decreasing troop levels as early as in six months. The future looks grim for Iraq. The decreased troop levels will mean increased sectarian violence. I don't pretend to know much about the situation, but what Colin Powell said a long time ago holds true: "If you break it, you own it".

Abizaid, a Westpoint and Harvard grad, also said interestingly enough that he is optimistic about the future. It should have sounded silly, and would have from anyone else, but not from this man. That's not to say I believe it, but it's good to believe that there are still a few good men.

casino royale

I love reading the New York Times review of movies, particularly by A.O. Scott and Manohla Dargis, a younger critic who's giving him a run for his money. I especially love how the paper insists on calling actors by their surnames with suffixes e.g. Pierce Brosnan becomes Mr. Brosnan.

But here are some choice quotes about Casino Royale (from the NY Times Review) that I think are written in the spirit of the whole 007 adventure itself and is profound in and of themselves. Movie critics of the world- you now define the zeitgeist.

"Every generation gets the Bond it deserves if not necessarily desires, and with his creased face and uneasy smile, Mr. Craig fits these grim times well"

"Mr. Craig’s Bond looks as if he has renewed his license to kill. "

"You see Mr. Craig sweating (and very nice sweat it is too); you sense the filmmakers doing the same. "

"They have also surrounded Mr. Craig with estimable supporting players, including the French actress Eva Green, whose talent is actually larger than her breasts. "

“Casino Royale” is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). The sex is demure, the violence less so.

It is rather dull to have to go back to reviewing null hypothesis testing for a stats exam, after such a smashing review as that.

analysis

and now the analysis begins, ad nauseum, ad infinitum, ad mortem.
at moments like these, it is best to realize that Van Wilder had it right: "Life. don't take it too seriously. You'll never get out alive".

(it helps, if only for a moment).

brothers in arms

Am listening to the classic Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits most famously featured in the Season 2 finale of the West Wing, the single greatest television episode of all time. It sent chills down my spine when I first watched it and every time since. It transcends the medium of television. Reportedly Martin Sheen started crying at the end of the table read for that script. Now I'm watching the West Wing Season 7 and its not as good, but yet, still retains every now and then that flicker of brilliance which reminds you that it raised the bar which nothing else has quite managed to touch the same way.

vox populi vox dei

The Democrats have won both Houses, after concession by George Allen from Virginia finally. For the first time in 12 years, they are finally in power. The fun thing about being in policy school is that there was a massive spontaneous party with drinking into the wee hours, obsessive watching of the election results on laptops, incessant politics discussion, nailbiting waiting for Allen to concede and finally, the shock resignation of Rumsfeld led to standing ovations (we have plasmas in common areas) from both faculty and students. It seems like a new dawn, and let's hope it's not a false one. It was our professor, an active politico that managed Webb's campaign in Virginia and when he came into class, he got a standing, prolonged ovation.

Politics matter. It's the only thing we've got to really change things.

rumi

Because someone quoted Rumi at me today and I really must stop falling in love with so many random people because I haven't got very much left.

We are three, by Rumi

These spiritual window-shoppers,
who idly ask, 'How much is that?' Oh, I'm just looking.
They handle a hundred items and put them down,
shadows with no capital.

What is spent is love and two eyes wet with weeping.
But these walk into a shop,
and their whole lives pass suddenly in that moment,
in that shop.

Where did you go? "Nowhere."
What did you have to eat? "Nothing much."

Even if you don't know what you want,
buy something, to be part of the exchanging flow.

Start a huge, foolish project,
like Noah.

It makes absolutely no difference
what people think of you.

bs-ers

"At the end she chooses life, and in choosing life she chooses imperfection and compromise. And that's something she's never before allowed herself" - Emma Thompson in the Sunday Times magazine about her new movie Stranger than Fiction.

I forgot to tell you this story. John was in town last Monday and I had to wear a skirt to go to the Harvard Club which is this incredibly posh members-only place and then shuttle to the business school which I thought was a really tough crowd to work but in the end, an entire section ended up donating a school which was brilliant and really changed my perception about their motivations.

cold

I distintly blinked when at 4:30pm I saw a very large moon hung in the pitch-dark sky. added to the bitter cold of 2 degrees in what is just early november and I am not feeling very kindly disposed to things at the moment. I feel like escaping really perhaps to London or something ridiculous like that over the coming weekend and throwing financial caution to the winds, but it would be TOO extravagant and quite possibly I would be too sad so it is best to hang on for dear life here and plow through the next six weeks after which I shall be home. I did not expect to want to leave so quickly, but I think the pace is getting to me. I have no time to call parents or friends and it has been over three months since I spoke to my blood sister. This cannot continue.

iller

In Starbucks, (horrors) because I couldn't get a seat at the indie coffeeshop round the corner (and also because I had niggling doubts about its hygiene due to presence of extremely grungy, long-haired, unwashed waiters which no doubt contributed to its street cred but left me slightly wary!). Plotting India and Chinese inequality indicators, while trying very desperately not to think of someone who is only a few states away. Perhaps that is too much information. Feeling slightly blue, and listening to Roy Orbison is not really helping matters. But there promises to be a game night tonight with a bunch of close friends (which at the moment sounds far more appealing than getting dressed up and bopping the night away). I've also come down with an awful cold which does not make things better.

man proposes and god disposes

on a plan to save Sri Lanka and things that you never thought you would say in your adult life.

Me: Have you thought about the very real possibility that you might be killed?

Him: I have. But I'm willing to take the chance and take precautions. After all if they want to kill me, it's a sign that I must be doing something right. Besides you'll be there to carry on the work and others like you.

Me: Don't try and be a hero.

Him: This killing and dying it can't go on. It can't.

And for a brief moment, it felt like I had discovered the reason why i was here and it was strange and terrifying and compelling all at once.