Man what a week. If anyone can tell me how I can password protect my blog, I would sincerely appreciate it. Both Live Journal and MSN Spaces as well as Xanga only offer this option to other members of these places. I doubt my entire universe of friends has a hotmail address so it's perhaps just as well.
Inhale. Exhale. It's been one of those weeks. I feel like blogging my heart out but unfortunately, some latent sense of self-preservation prevents me from further digging myself into a hole.
Came back from the north on Friday night after an intense four day trip (which was intense due to other reasons than work). The LTTE have called back their political officers from all government areas, and as of Friday all had withdrawn. The long term NGOs were also trucked in for a special meeting on Wed with P, the leader of the LTTE who also called an urgent meeting at HQ with other staff.
We went into the uncleared areas during the week and I had to make a special detour to K (LTTE HQ) to register my 'presence' in Tamil Eelam, something which I've not previously been required to do. I had to go through an interview with LTTE personnel, which basically was an unwelcome interrogation of why I wasn't doing more for the 'uncleared' (read: LTTE controlled) areas. I told them politely that the reason why most NGOs stayed away from these areas was not because of the political situation but because it was so damned logistically difficult to work alone in these areas. The only way to create viable projects in these areas was to work with the TRO (the registered NGO arm of the LTTE), which to put it euphemistically, most INGOs were loath to do, preferring to operate independently. (Not to mention that it's a frikking nightmare just to get in and operate in these areas, which are massively underserved no doubt, but logistically burdensome).
What else? I've been doing an informal survey of the sexual practices of local youth and am coming up with surprising results. Firstly, there's a lot more homosexuality than anticipated, as well as fears that the AIDS virus is severely underreported a la India. Not new, but disturbing hearing it from personal accounts. Second is the fact that sex here is more adventuresome than previously realized, and that most youth take their cue from blue films (porn). However they don't try out various ways on their wives or gfs, but pay to have one-off encounters to experience these. Do I hear a resounding ick? Yeahh. In Jaffna, unless you're married or related, you can't sign up for a hotel room coz the owners will report you to the landlord. So business takes place in unfinished construction sites at the dead of night. Lesbians get married, only to spend their wedding night on the floor, or with their mothers as they usually do. Marriages involve 3, or sometimes 4 secret alliances, known only to all those who participate. Such are the dangers of living in a closed society. Preserving virtue my goddamn ass. As for the prostitutes, well the men who use and abuse them are never in danger of being derogated. Its the rest of society that cross the street when they see them coming. Sometimes I get so angry with men, despite the irrationality of it, that I can't help myself fantasizing about castrating the lot of them.
It's funny but am at work on a Sunday and strangely, it's the Watcher Man (a la Preacher man) who cares if I've eaten lunch, him and the cleaning lady who both watch over my safety like hawks and natter after me if I'm here too late. Them and another 23 year old ex-child soldier who's on our team who calls from the north to see if I'm spending my evenings alone.
What else? We're on a tight travelling schedule and I'm fielding calls from ex-involvements, current involvements, family, sisters, sister's bf and finding out about pasts. And to think that I wanted to grow up and be alone. Hell is other people said Sartre. Perhaps so. Can't live with em, can't kill em.
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